Offering

Mom

You hand me a bowl full of chocolate pudding

With whipped cream and sit down with yours

in the big lazy chair. The image of

you remains in my head burned in

softly over the many years– a perpetual

Polaroid of your smile and the

bowl of some delightfully sweet

supply of dessert you hand me

the ice cream piled high with syrup and

scoops of whipped cream

and bananas and your smile in the

blue glow of the television. We share

the night and it occurs to me how

pleasant is the sound of your voice and

the big cold spoon of sweetness you give me

complete with sprinkles on top.

Oh Sky!

The Gift (Companion)

This is a draft of a story I dreamt of on the morning of 1/19/97. It goes as follows:

The Gift

I’m in a taxi cab heading to meet my boyfriend at a small bar/restaurant for dinner. It’s a plain little place, perhaps a Mexican restaurant. Some people are there already just hanging out. It’s almost dusk and as we are driving into the neighborhood up a hill, I notice the surrounding homes are raised up on hills with small front yards full of trees and bushes and plants above 3 or 4 foot stone walls just off of the sidewalks. It is almost dark out and as we pull up to the place, I look out the window to my left and see down the block on the horizon a blinding flash of white light which spreads horizontally. It is so far away there is no sound. Yet, I think, no sound yet, because it’s so far away but will be here soon. My mind begins to calculate that I have just enough time to run into the restaurant and be with my love for the end of the world. In that instant my thoughts flash to many things. As I get out of the cab, oddly enough I remember I haven’t paid the driver yet. He was such a nice man who was looking forward to going home after this last fare, to his wife and children and now this. I motion for him to run inside with me to seek shelter. Forget about everything for now; this is it. WWIII has begun and it will only take another minute till we’re all gone. I am angry because it seems possible we were so close to making first contact through Comet Hale-Bopp. It was rumored The Companion was coming but we couldn’t wait to make another war. Now it’s too late and there’ll be nothing to find when they do get here. All we can do is hide and hope for a miracle.

As I enter the restaurant there are a few people inside. I hear a voice. I look around and see we are all looking around to see who is speaking. We are all hearing the same words. In a deep voice I here this: “We are here to show you how it will be from now on. You have come close but now need to be shown. We have come here to help you to understand this. Life will no longer be as you have known it.” I look around and nothing seems too different. I hear rain falling softly against the windows and the metal awning and rustling the tree leaves. I go out into the street. I cross the street and come to a wall and sit on the wall. The trees and grass look bright. I touch a plant and it leans towards me. I touch the earth and some earthworms climb out of the ground and raise up to look at me. I feel their response to me - an acknowledgment ‑ a form of hello, we are here. I touch the tree and it pushes back into my hand. Oddly animated. Alive as always yet now sentient. I look down and there is a pheasant at my feet. I lift it up on my lap and stroke it like a cat. I feel its gladness and friendship. All over people come out of their homes onto the street just to look around to see what is happening. I join a group of people to walk a bit and a man who looks a lot like Richard Dryphus (well it’s my dream you know) comes along with a little animal. He says “Hey check this out” and lets the animal run toward us and it’s a skunk. The skunk comes to us and we smell it’s spray but it is sweeter and still skunky but OK. The skunk smiles at us and we’re all friends and a dog comes by and says hello. I am experiencing a sense of joy, a happiness that is spreading among us. Things are indeed very different; the extent of which is still unfolding. At first it feels as though we are the same but everything around us is different. Little by little, I am realizing that all is changed. Everything has become alive. This includes all we focus our attention on as well as that which is focusing attention on us. It is a good thing and all is peaceful. It cannot be otherwise since, now, everybody knows each other as related, as sister to brother, as brother to brother; all equal in the world. And we are continuing to walk and we come to a house which is a hotel, and there is a young couple staying in this place and they are interrupted by our arrival, and don’t care about anything much and don’t trust us. They have not yet and may never be able to connect to the awareness we are being gifted with. And it strikes me that we will not all be able to accept the event of the awareness. Some will not get it. Sadness comes to me to realize that some will not be able to accept it and it may make them insane. Could that really be? I postulate that this change is so complete that no one is caused any pain by it. It is completely acceptable. And the world is changed and is not like it was before; all points of reference are shifted to include a larger society of life in friendship and support.

I go to the edge of town down to the water. There are steps leading out to the sea. The water on the deepening stone steps is filled with shallow pond life and, as I step in, pollywogs and salamanders and minnows and small water life crowd forward to greet me. The water also surges forward to meet with me. I become afraid and turn to run away but I am called by the ocean and a great wave rises up and is clear and clean and filled with ocean life. The wave is just standing there. It is an enigma yet the very sight of it explains the meaning of the existence of boundless power and purity together in nature. Whales and dolphins and sea turtles and starfish and many other mammals and fish have come to look at me and see what I am and say hello and how glad they are to be able to acknowledge me and I them. I raise my arms up and reach out with the joy of sharing the awareness of the life on earth. I feel their laughter and how fun it is. I feel relieved and free to know them as friends and companions. The wave rises above me; a shear wall of powerful water and I am not afraid at all. I am waving my arms out at the wave and feeling the strength and joy. The wave tells me the wind is playing with the crest of it and trying to splash me and to watch out now or I will get wet. And I am laughing and feeling the completion of myself through being able to finally communicate with all things a we are all now companions to each other. And life is no longer as we have ever known it to be.

I am grounded on the lush Terra

Passion

Passion is leaking out

slowly and

I work to stop it from

emptying itself out

completely

because I need to feel and

need to talk and

spin on my wings and

jump and joke and desire to

fill the entire space I am given and

love, love, love until

I'm all scrunched up or

all blown out from

smiling from ear to ear with

the big Yes.

The Sense of Yes,

pervading my emulsion–

the Sense of Yes,

evading all expulsion–

The Sense of Yes, with

its foot in the door and

its eye on the prize,

its pedal to the metal and

its hands on the wheel–

singing the Key,

singing the Key.

The Black Window

Most of the time, I concentrate on bringing the speckles closer. They first appear so far off in the edgeless grey distance. The sequence begins with the glowing sphere coalescing in the center, pulsing in expanding rays flowing like a red dwarf sun radiating fire, orange and gold. Sometimes indigo blue and rose violet bands appear and sometimes it swirls in spiraling colors turning clockwise. It is so beautiful to behold. I can hear sounds— swishing, a deep toned hum growing soft to loud, soft to loud. Eventually, all color and movement blend into the pure grey field. In the distance I see the tiny cluster of black dots. I invite them, come to me, closer, closer, yet I must not focus on them, keeping my view wide as possible, as if I am inhaling or widening myself in order to pull them toward me like gravity or space for them to fill. As they near, they gather to form an oval pool floating horizontally in the grey. I move toward the night-black shape to look into and see it’s a window through which i can view stars in the vacuum depths of space. I poke my head through looking down to see tiny sparkling lights. Flashing, as if images on pages are turning, as though flipping through a book on it’s side, the pages, one after the other, moving so fast it’s a mystery, strange and wonderful - dazzling. I realize it is a directory possibly of everything there ever was and is to be. All at one point, the gates of now and forever. As I watch, the spinning stops. A page lays open black on black yet begins to take on depth and dimension. I am looking down now upon the curved surface of a planet as if from a ship in space. There are cities with sharp futuristic spires, arches defying gravity; a tumultuous webwork of lace highways, buildings and towers with sparkling lights all blinking bright with energy in shiny blackness and I realize I am climbing through the oval window and almost all the way through when a thought intrudes like a floating question mark in the blackness of outer space... How long will the window stay open? Will I be able to return? Suddenly aware of myself in the middle of an endless universe, I am human once again, pulled back in the snappy wink of an eye out from the depths, away from the planet of spidery lacework. Snapped back through the oval window which is murdered by awareness, shattered to pure black shards, receding into the distance from whence they came, and I, now through to the open, infinite, grey demesne, then back into my world, my room, my chair, my meditation. Colors in the room, light in my eyes, cat on my lap. The Warlord’s asleep. Is there no one I could tell? Who would believe my story?